do I understand what's going on.
But is that so bad?

I don't know.
There are times when I miss those childlike days. When we never realised our friends will change.
We never realised that we had the ability to not like ourselves.

Our biggest efforts can be such a tiny sacrifice.
There is always a weakness somewhere lurking in your character awaiting to be trapped and trip you up somewhere along the way.
Gone are the days when we can say, "But I never knew."
Gone are the days when we can just run away when we don't want to face the future.

Tears wash your face because it seems easier than talking about it.
Tears flood your eyes because it seems easier than looking at it in the face.
Can this actually be ok?
How can I say I understand how to love.
I cannot hide from you.

How can I say I am in you?
However small and insignificant, it is nevertheless.

I want to praise you with all that I shall go through.
Even through times like this, I know I can only praise you because pain is a gift.
Changes are still within you.

In the search, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that there is an end to this search. What can I do when I feel I am one step away from mistake?
Lord, please bring me joy and peace, the chance to be free.
It takes tears and sweat to see what it means to be who we were meant to be.

Promises that are there yet not understood.
Seeking the peace which you know is there but somehow covered by more than just a little rain.
So I pray for every tear dropped into the vast ocean of tears.

Only when you care does it hurt.
Only when you care can you feel.
Only when you care can God begin to work in you.

You are alone can be my promise, salvation and answer to anything and everything.
You are the Holy God Almighty, may I start living my life like so.

Live my life like a saved precious child of the One and only God.
Not because of who I am but who you are.
Or what I've done but all that you've done for me.

Mami for a week now. The whole family is missing her greatly.
So why is it that when she asks me if I can call her, I don't feel like saying 'Yes'.
It's me.

God has the whole me. It's up to me to decide how close do I let my loved ones come.
Perhaps distance really is what makes someone closer.
Or maybe this is me making my believing become reality again.

Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart,
       for it is the wellspring of life.

I can only be sure of one thing: God loves us.

is back.

of when you realise you are no longer a child.
when truth needs to be discovered.
that you question the things that are asking you to trust them. Is it really what they want?

you feel disappointed because somehow you're the very thing that you don't want to be.
you're waiting to hear those words.

to say those words.

you remember the God of creation.
things start to become clearer.
you discover how ugly you really are.

the Moment becomes a Period of Time of numbness.
to lose yourself in all that doesn't make sense.
did you ever have yourself?
you're comfortable with the numbness. If this is how's it going to be.
that you let it be.

'I wonder how long I'm going to keep this up for. But how did I get in here in the first place?'
you don't know.

the saddest thing is when you realise that you've been doubting whether he really loves you.
No, the saddest thing is when you even don't care if he loves me.
or maybe, the saddest of all is not that you're questioning his Love but infact, yourself.

A 'no longer a child' who has to learn what love is all over again.
Yet he loved me knowing I'd have to relearn his love for me time and time again.
And the greatest of lessons has yet to come because he still loves me.
So that I may truly find myself again.
who can take over from him to give? He is the only one absolute Love that will not change no matter how much I doubt and reject him.
No matter how many times I lose myself. He's always there to catch me to put me in the Lost and Found so when I do return to look for Me, Me is safe and waiting.

'obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.'
And the Truth
       the Love
                   is he.

the One who never fails.
                    will never make us to be a mistake. Who will not let go of what he's handmade with Love. with his blood.